How to Play

Roulette requires precise concentration, cat-like agility and the ability to pick winning numbers. The naysayers claim that the way numbers come up on a roulette wheel is random. I say, RANDOM MY ASS! If roulette is so random, how come I'm always such a big winner? WHY HAVE I BEEN FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM CASINOS? And don't use the casino's excuse that I was drunk, unruly, and passed out twice with my head on the black square. I know a smokescreen when I see one. If you are good at the lottery you'll be great at roulette. And with a little practice, you'll GET THROWN OUT OF CASINOS TOO!! When you get to the roulette wheel, find a seat and sit down. If you cannot find a seat, leave because luck is always better at Roulette when you are sitting. After sitting, give the croupier your cash. Ask for it to be changed for chips. DO NOT TELL THE CROUPIER YOU ARE GOING TO ROB HIM BLIND. This just leads to them keeping a closer eye on you and practicing black magic to counteract your skills. Now that you have your chips, start laying bets.

Types of Bets

I am not professionally trained to understand the different bets in roulette, but I have learned from years and years of hard-earned experience. Even today I still learn a thing or two about the game. For example: DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN BET ON THE TWO GREEN NUMBERS? IT'S TRUE! I just learned this last week.

BLACK This pays you two for one. If you bet black and win, it will pay back the original bet plus the same amount again. The casinos are suckers for this.
RED This one is similar to black, but not as good a bet I have never gotten around to counting the number of red or black numbers, but I am pretty sure there are more black. One important thing abut rouletter is that MORE NUMBERS ARE BETTER!!
EVEN This is like black or red, but you win if you bet even and iif the number comes up even. A pretty good bet when you are feeling lucky, but ODD is better.
ODD It's like even, but most of the really good numbers are odd, like one and seven. So, if you want to bet odd or even, I highly recommend odd. As I will later explain, multiples of three are good, and every other multiple of three is ODD! YOU WON'T BE A FRAUD BETTING THE ODD!
FIRST 12 You can bet on the first twelve numbres, which are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12. Also, I think 8. I will look tomorrow when I am robbing the casino blind. This one pays you good. The first 12 is a good bet because they come up a lot more than the other numbers.
SECOND 12 A sucker's bet if there ever were one. I hardly ever see these numbers come up, so my advice is to AVOID THE SECOND 12 LIKE THE PLAGUE.
THIRD 12 This group is a pretty risky bunch, but if you bet it and they hit, you will definitely earn the respect of the croupier.
GREEN A good roulette wheel has a green zero and a green double zero. Some of the casinos are now trying to make wheels with only a single zero. If the casino you are at has only one green spot GET THE HELL OUT! More zeros mean more choice and MORE CHOICE MEANS MORE WAYS TO WIN!! Green isn't a very good bet unless there is an Asian man at the table. Then it is more likely to come up.
A NUMBER You can bet on any number on the wheel, no matter what color. If it hits, they will pay you loads and loads of chips. I can't remember how many, but I think it has to do with the number. Like, a 31 will pay a lot more than a 14. If you want to play numbers, make sure to bet the high numbers.
MORE THAN ONE NUMBER You can put chips on the corner of a number so that they touch several number squares. I don't do this unless THAT FEELING COMES FROM MY TUM-TUM because THE WHEEL REWARDS LOYALTY. Playing several numbers at once is the same as having a bunch of mistresses. Also, I am not sure how this works, and sometimes if you ask THE CROUPIER WILL LAUGH AT YOU.

by Lucky Ned IndrediSystem